Goggle Removers

It's interesting now that I can tell when I put the goggles on (read the first post if you haven't yet), and sometimes exactly what triggered it.

The hard part is figuring out what will take them off.


I tried several things yesterday:

1. I immediately called Anna to tell her about it...because I hoped that she would say something to put things into a new perspective and make me feel better about things. To be honest I don't even remember a lot of what she said about it...probably because she was just as shocked and confused about the situation as i was.

2. I called another boy who has never been the cause of drama in my life (in other people's lives, yes, but never MY life.) and who has always been a nice calming and entertaining presence.


During those conversations I felt fine...but the minute I hung up I felt the fog closing in again.


3. I did some housework. I watered my little potted garden outside and crushed the mountain of pop cans in our kitchen...hoping that the tiny mundane distractions would clear my head.

fail.

4. I made myself cry a little. When all else fails, I try to get myself to get it all out. So I thought about the worst thought the drama brought out, and tried to cry through it and get past it.

mega fail. just made things worse.


So i went back to pretending to work on my thesis while actually surfing the net, playing games, watching television and planning what I was going to munch on next. completely vegging and zoning out dulls the pain...doing mindless things keeps your mind from doing things. lol


I should have made myself get out of the house.


I did later that night. I ended up sitting in a school parking lot listening to music and staring at cloud shapes and stars with the person who helped unveil the assholishness of one boy and the ignorance of two girls. Talked about it about a bit awkwardly...stood together in silence with it for a bit...but then moved on to random and ridiculous topics.


That's when the goggles came off.


By the end of the evening I couldn't stop myself from talking about the most random stuff. I just felt chatty and happy. content to stand there and blabber for hours.


I dunno what that means exactly. cause I know that is not the exact formula to always remove the goggles...but it did the trick that time.