It's never too late to change lanes

I think some of my favorite moments are little gifts. Little serendipitous gifts the universe throws your way. Sometimes they are just gifts, happy moments to make you smile. Other times they are signs. Little reminders or suggestions to get implanted in your brain.

I guess I use "the universe" as my way of attributing things to God without sounding like the religion major that I am.

But I've gotten three this week. And it's kind of hard to ignore that.

It's been a rough month. moving into a new place. getting situated. dealing with all the quirks that go with living with new people in a new place. job hunting. hating job hunting. sucking at job hunting.

Let's just say that I needed some gifts from the universe.

The first was in Starbuck's. I went in friday to fill out an application. The guy who handed me the application starts telling me how great the benefits and stuff are and how it's a good time to apply. Then he takes my filled out application to the back...and the guy who walks out went to high school with me. Graduated a year ahead of me. Interviews me and tells me he's going to call me monday. I leave smiling and feeling really good about it.

I also filled out an application at Chili's friday. They told me to come back on monday. I went...and they had me take this test. So I'm sitting in this booth, taking a test (which involved MATH. omg. I was not happy.), and all of a sudden the beginning of a song over the sound system caught my attention. It was one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands, Stereophonics (gift #2). So that makes me relax a bit, and not worry so much about the ridiculous MATH involved in this test. (have I mentioned I HATE math??) So I turn my test in, and one of the managers comes back and tells me that I passed it (huzzah!) and to come back Wednesday to talk to a different manager and probably get a job offer. sweet!

Starbucks called today with a job offer.
I may get a job offer form Chili's tomorrow.

I LOVE options. and gifts from the universe.


The third came today. I was watching AMC and a commercial came on for a study being done at Vanderbilt on depression. It was advertising for people to take part in the study. I've been off my Prozac since February, and haven't seen anybody about my depression since some time before then. I really needed somebody today.

So I just e-mailed the lady about the studies (there are actually two going on right now). We'll see how that goes.


I wonder how often I don't notice things like a song on the sound system or a commercial on tv. How often I don't listen to what the universe is trying to tell me. How often the worry and the stress overshadow the provisions of the one who dresses the lilies of the field so lavishly.

anti-labor day

Now before anybody gets riled up about me hating a national holiday, let me explain.

"I" am not anti-labor day. I just find it ironic that a holiday named "labor" day actually consists of most people being off work, and generally not "laboring." so in practice Labor Day is actually an anti-labor day.

So now for my "anti-labor day" story.

I graduated a few weeks ago (for more on that, click here). I moved into a new apartment with my best friend and another girl I know from school last week. Which means I am officially a degree holding, bill paying adult. I also got a dog.

All of this means that I should probably have a job about now.

It's not that I didn't look for a job. I did. I saw all sorts of openings for things that I probably could have gotten hired for based on my ridiculous customer service experience working 2 years as a cashier/head cashier/customer service/return desk at Lowe's. But they were all jobs that I looked at and thought about applying for with dread.

So after a conversation with a friend who just started his own printing business I decided that i didn't want to do something that would make me miserable just to pay the bills. I wanted to do something that would let me pursue my dreams of doing photography and other art stuff (design, painting, etc) for a living.

In light of that, I'm going to get a job as a hostess or a waitress at a restaurant (hopefully at the Melting Pot...mmmmm) to pay the bills and give me some flexibility in my hours so I can build my portfolio and take on some artistic projects.

I was going to go to the Melting Pot today to try and apply...but in honor of anti-labor day I decided to sit around, read blogs, and hang up pictures and organize my new room instead.

very anti-labor indeed. :-D


Tomorrow I shall find a job. Tomorrow I shall go and and get a membership at the YMCA. Tomorrow I shall labor.

We live in a beautiful world

"I think you did a really good job."


the first words I heard as we started my thesis defense. and with those words, all the tension, all the stress, all the nerves of the past few months seemed totally worth it, and finally began to melt away.

"easy to read."
"insightful."

There were no questions I could not answer. There were no surprises. There were no major rejections of my ideas.

So my two committee members signed it, and my tutor will sign in when I make the few small edits (a comma here, a capitalization there...) and he looks at my final final final copy.


I. Am. Graduating.


and as if to confirm it further, I got a letter from Belmont today telling me when to pick up my cap and gown and when to show up on graduation day.



They asked me what I'm doing after graduation. I told them what I know:

1. I'm moving to brentwood for a while. lease is up next June.
2. I need to find a job to pay the bills.


and that's all I know right now. I'm looking, praying, and waiting for something to jump out at me. For God to send or speak some more definite direction into my life.


So for now I'm working on my resume. Trying to figure out how to put my personality, passions, and skills into words an employer will appreciate. I need to put together a nice portfolio, get together the best of my work from all my college art classes and various other ventures.

It's exciting. It's scary.


It's about time. ;-)



ps. if you want to read a 60pg paper on how Hinduism, Greek Orthodoxy, and Islam use visual images in their sacred spaces...I know where you can get one. As long as your inbox holds a 15mb attachment.

Becoming a Big Girl

It's getting scary.


I'm almost done with my research/writing on Islam...the last of my 3 religions in my thesis. Then it's just the intro and conclusion to do. It will be "done" and to my committee by next Monday. Then I have to weeks to finish the artwork to go with the paper. I need to arrange with the honors house to show it...hmmm. put that on the "to-do" list.

Anyways...my thesis defense is the 18th of July. Then I have 2 weeks to tweek what they tell me to tweek and get it all printed the way it needs to be to turn in to the Honors Council on the 1st of August.


Graduation is the 8th of August.


I think right now the plan is for me to move in to the apartment on the 23rd. My sister is moving in to her apartment in Alabama on the 15th, so my dad can't help me move until the next weekend. And I need his truck and his muscle to move.


So sometime between now and then I have to find a job. A big girl job preferably. Although having done all the math with all the bills I'm going to have to start paying going back to Lowe's would cover it with more to spare. Sooooo...that's an option.

but in doing all that math I started freaking out.

freaking. the heck. out.


maybe it's because I'm currently unemployed...
maybe it's because when I did have a lot of money coming in I was saving for study abroad trips and blowing it on whatever I wanted. because I could...
maybe it's just the fact that I've never really had actual real life bills to pay...

but knowing that I'm soon going to be responsible for paying people $800 a month (rent, utilities, cable, student loan payment, insurance, etc) not including any money I need to eat, live, or drive on is super scary to me.

cause there's no flaking out on that.

just like there's no more flaking out on my thesis.


I never used to flake out on things. I was always there. always on time. always turned in and did everything and was a huge overachiever.

Then I overwhelmed myself with work. And life overwhelmed me with hurt.

and I burned out.

and I've been flakier and flakier ever since.


I hate that. I hate that I had to push graduation off til August because I flaked out on meeting thesis deadlines while balancing other coursework. other coursework that I also did a bit of flaking on.

I hate that I flake out on my friends sometimes. that I'll express interest or flat out say I'm going to do something with them and then flake out on it. If I've done that to you, I'm really sorry. cause I hate when people do that to me. and I hate when I do that to you, too.

I flake because I get overwhelmed really easily now. and depression rears it's ugly head far too often. it's not an excuse, it doesn't make it okay...but it is what it is.


I can't flake on my thesis right now. And I can't flake come August.


I have to be a big girl.


and it's freaking me out. cause I'm so scared that I can't do it. that I'll fail. again. and the consequences will be much bigger than graduating 3 months late.